Dragonchasers

Spent a pretty quiet day today.

One highlight, so to speak: the GM who I’ve been griping about sent me an email, thanking me for my dedication and so on. Said she had to be at another meeting right after the layoffs (without going into details, this makes sense) and by the time she got back, I was gone. She also offered a reference.

So my biggest issue with the whole layoff thing has been soothed quite a bit. Maybe someone prompted her to email me, maybe not. It doesn’t really matter. The fact is she made the effort.

As of right now, I’m not carrying a lot of anger about the whole situation. Anxiety, yes. Every time I buy something I get freaked out: “Should I be buying this or should I be saving that $2.50 for something else.”

Now we head into what is a 4-day weekend for most people. Hopefully I can treat it that way too. This’ll probably be my last ‘daily’ report about the layoff. Honestly I expected a lot more, ah, drama, in these posts, but I’m just not feeling the strong emotions that I thought I’d be feeling.

Mind you, I’m not complaining!

Today I had to return to the scene of the crime. I needed to drop off a signed severance agreement as well as return a book that my IM had lent me. I went no further than reception…I really didn’t want to face my former co-workers again.

As it turned out, I ran into both a former peer and the IM. The peer was not happy; due to the layoffs her vacation had been cancelled. How’s that for management screwing the employees? “Sorry, but due to us whacking one of your co-workers without thinking things through, your vacation is cancelled.” Way to boost morale.

The IM happened to be walking out as I was standing at the desk. An awkward silence, then we both said “Hello” while trying not to look at, or acknowledge, each other. This was pretty strange since I still believe my termination was not her idea and I hold no animosity towards her. Yet she had been the one weilding the axe and something primal in me resents that.

Hmm, I’m not even sure if its resentment of the events, so much as resentment and frustration that I can’t allow myself to really say what I’m thinking. I’d love to point out how she looks from my side of the fence, having told me that what has now happened was not going to happen. But to say that would just be hurtful, because I know she knows what she said, and again, I don’t believe that this was her idea. The other individual that was let go was a peer of mine but had a different manager, which suggests the call came from the GM.

In any event, that’s done and now I don’t have to go back there for anything. I had a slight panic/anxiety attack as I pulled into the parking lot. But the receptionist is one of the sweetest ladies you’ve ever met and she put me right at ease, so in the end the visit wasn’t so bad.

After that, I went to Target and bought a Brita water filter because I don’t think I should be buying bottled water any more. Weird the things that pop up as being important money-saving devices! And then to Best Buy to pick up a copy of a computer game. I got to the register and almost turned around and put it back. So damned strange…something that would’ve been so casual on Monday was a Big Purchase that I felt I had to justify today on Thursday.

One other freakish thing happened today. I got an email that said:

Thank you for your time yesterday I am sorry I am just getting to e-mailing you the job spec today; my computer has been giving me problems. Please reply with the soft copy of your reume and I will get the process moving.

It wasn’t addressed to me. I assumed it was some kind of spam/phishing junk mail, but the attached file was indeed a job description, and the addressee had a name with the same first initial as mine, so it could’ve been an honest typo of an email address.

I actually replied to the email telling the recruiter that she’d emailed the wrong person, and pointing out the oddness since I’d just been laid off. She responded saying she’d like to talk to me more and giving me her phone number.

Weird, huh? It seems like a legitimate company but I’m still looking for the telltale evidence that it’s some kind of scam email.

Today was a strange day. I spent most of my time acting like it was just another day off.

But interspersed in these relatively mild periods were pockets of total rage. But not rage against the decision to lay me off. Rage against how certain factions of the company suddenly turned around and started treating me like a criminal. Last night I tried to log into my (ex)work email, and it was closed already.

Now that might be a fine policy but…it isn’t the policy of my former employer. I know for a fact that some people are let go and allowed to use their work-provided laptops and emails for a few weeks to allow them to notify contacts and so forth. Not so me. So that really irks me. That says to me “This person isn’t trustworthy so we’d better cut him off immediately.”

Second, I keep dwelling on the GM and how she didn’t so much as say goodbye to me. In fact, I fear I’m obsessing over this fact. I’m not going to claim we were best friends, but we’d had some common outside-of-work interests and have had many happy conversations about these things. I’d lent her DVDs and things like that. But no goodbye from her, and certainly no offer of a letter of recommendation or to be used as a reference or anything of that nature. Remember, the reason I was given for the layoff was that my skillset no longer matched the requirements of the company.

The other reality-slap in the face came this evening as I was eating dinner and watching TV. There was a segment on ‘next gen’ gaming consoles comparing the XBox360, Nintendo Wii and Sony PS3. And I realized that this holiday season, I wasn’t going to be buying any of the new consoles. (Granted I’m being pessimistic here… I should hope I’ll be working by then!) It was the first reality check that no longer could I buy things just because I wanted them.

On the other hand, I think there’s some good in that, too. In fact, there’s some good in all of this. This is an opportunity to spend…well in theory I could spend the rest of the summer…thinking about what I really want to do with my life.

So all in all, I think Day 2 was ok….

I was laid off from my job of, oh, eight years today. As a kind of geek social experiment, I’ve decided to chronicle the experience.

Day 1
Actually, it all started yesterday (well, actually it started about 18 months ago, but I’ll limit the discussion to the immediate events). In the afternoon an email came from the GM (general manger, and I’m not going to include names of individuals or companies involved), marked urgent, about a staff meeting at 9:30 this morning to discuss ‘restructuring’. And in addition, that the GM would be meeting with “smaller groups” before that meeting. If ever an email screamed layoffs, this was one. I spent an uneasy night, knowing I was in a very vulnerable position.

So this morning, my IM (immediate manager) came around at 9 am and said “Can I talk to you for a few minutes.” DEAD MAN WALKING. I knew this was it. She opened the door to a small, windowless meeting room and the head of HR was sitting there, like the headsman, smiling the most artificial (though I’m sure, well intentioned) smile you’ve ever seen. Continue reading “Anatomy of a Layoff: Day 1”