I’d love to attribute this to the original author, but I have no idea where it came from:

——-

A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is
backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A
quick move by Vader, chops off Luke’s hand! It goes
spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He
looks around, but realizes there’s nowhere to go but straight
down.

Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to
your father.

Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!

Darth Vader: No, Luke… I am your father!

Luke: No. It can’t be. That’s not true. That’s impossible!

Darth Vader: Search your feelings Luke… you know them
to be true.

Luke: NOOoooo!

Darth Vader: Yes, it is true… and you know what else?
You know that brass droid of yours?

Luke: Threepio?

Darth Vader: Yes… Threepio… I built him… when I was 7
years old.

Luke: No! … Wait, huh?

Darth Vader: Seven years old. And what have you done?
Look at yourself. No hand. No job. And you couldn’t even
levitate your own ship out of the swamp…

Luke: But… I destroyed your precious Death Star!

Darth Vader: But that was when you were 20! When I was
10, I single-handedly destroyed an entire Trade
Federation Droid Control ship!

Luke: Well, it’s not my fault…

Darth Vader: Oh, here we go… “Poor me… my father never
gave me what I wanted for my birthday… boo hoo, my
daddy’s the Dark Lord of the Sith… Nobody loved me…
waahhh wahhh!”

Luke: Shut up!

Darth Vader: You’re a slacker! By the time I was your age,
I had already exterminated the Jedi knights!

Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar’s Canyon.

Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor… 10 years
old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open… the only human to
ever fly a Pod Racer… right here baby!

Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.

Darth Vader: I was wrong… You’re not my kid… I don’t
know whose you are, but you sure ain’t mine.

Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges
down the shaft. Darth Vader looks down after him.

Darth Vader: And get a haircut!

Beautiful day out today and I *gasp* actually went outside. I really need some outdoor activities to get me in the fresh air more often. In this case, it was as simple as walking to the grocery store to get something to eat. But its amazing what fresh air and sunshine does for your mindset. Problem is, just taking a walk with no meaningful destination seems like a waste of time to me.

Anyway, did some pondering while walking and realized that I really don’t hate what I do (see last blog entry). I just hate where I’m doing it. In fact, I really enjoy developing things I can take pride in, but where I work the developers are just tools to be pointed at things to do. Often… incredibly often… we’re pointed at stupid things, or only given time to do things half-assed (after which we get pointed at the half-assed things that have now broken and need fixing). Basically, there is no management there, and that’s what I hate about it. They waste my (and everyone else’s) time, then they complain that nothing significant ever gets done.

They say the recession is over (though it doesn’t look that way to me) so maybe there’ll be better jobs coming along soon. I’ll hope that’s true.

I watched The Great Escape for the first time today. What a great movie! That’s another head-clearer… losing yourself in a film like that. All good stuff.

Today was a pretty OK day.

[Begin self indulgent whining…]
Gak… what a crappy week I had. Work absolutely sucks these days. I hate what I do, I don’t take any pride in the product and, oh yeah, I hate what I do. Which is really odd since a year ago today, I absolutely LOVED what I do, and what I do hasn’t changed. I think I’m just not cut out for staying in one job very long.

Anyway, this week was a series of ‘task force’ meetings, each about a different segment of the business. They cumulated in a 9:30-4:00 ‘summit meeting.’ So I spent like 20 hours in meetings this week, and y’know what came out of that? Not a damned thing! Only thing I hate worse than my work is sitting in pointless meetings all day.

Then, on the home front, there’s been this ugly squabble going on in the forum of my other site. I hate flame wars with a passion. I especially hate them when I can’t just walk away. This forum has been running just shy of 5 years, and we’ve had 4 flame wars. Two in the last month or so.

The place is rotting from the inside out, but I seem to be the only one who sees that. From a tight-knit group of friends having a good old jawing session about games or books or movies or whatever, it’s turned into this tense room full of people who’ve woken up to realize they don’t know who their friends are. Why?

I’m not sure, but I think we hit this level of comfort in the ‘old days’ that folks opened up more than they usually would. And when they did, they found that their pals were “The Enemy.” Right-wing conservatives found out the guy they’d been playing Everquest with for 2 years is a left-wing ultra-liberal. The Israeli fellow with the passion for flight sims found out his wing man is a Palestinian. (These are, of course, made up examples, and more extreme than the reality.)

I don’t think we can ever get things back to the way they used to be… “you can’t go home again” and all that rot… time will tell, I suppose.

Today was a gorgeous day and I had a list of chores as long as my arm. I managed about 2 of them. Otherwise I kept checking the forum to see if it’d blown up in a conflagration (spelling?) or putzing around playing some pointless game or another.

I really need to come up with some activity that gets me outdoors. I’ve been thinking seriously of moving out to the ‘burbs. I bet I could find a little cottage somewhere for what I pay for a crappy studio in Cambridge. I really miss having a garden. I miss having a grill outdoors. I just miss having a yard.

Christ, I think I’m homesick…

Two tangentially related thoughts are entwining in my brain like a pair of sea otters at play.. they haven’t quite come together yet, but something is Wrong.

First, on the way to work, I gazed out over some hills at a forest and I thought to myself, “How long has it been since I walked in anything that could be remotely considered ‘wilderness.?”

Second, coming home from work, I saw a woman out walking her dog. She was over on the sidewalk (this is Cambridge..there are ALWAYS sidewalks) but she had on one of these fluorescent bibs that people put on so as not to be run down by traffic as they run or bike. But I mean… she was way off on the sidewalk. And all I could think was, this woman had to don her ‘safety gear’ to walk her freakin dog!!

Why are we all so afraid?

What a long, stupid day. I took the day off from work so I could get going on a few projects I’ve been meaning to do. Woke up, plopped on the couch and there I stayed for most of the day. I watched a lot of tv, putzed around with some console games, read a lot of email and surfed around pointlessly. The Other Half said this was all a Good Thing as I’ve been totally exhausted and stressed from work lately. But I can’t help thinking I wasted an entire day…

I did log into Camelot for the first time in a few weeks. Worked on my Hunter a bit, killing fire flowers in Muspelheim. Died twice… careless once, and bad random numbers the other time. It all felt rather pointless though… it felt like random numbers. For some reason, the adventure has gone out of Camelot for me. Well, the game owned me for 6 months, so maybe this is a good thing.

Still, my heart yearns for some bold new adventure… I’m still slogging my way through LotR and, as much as I’m enjoying it, it isn’t the same as when I first read it. I’m much less wide-eyed and innocent now than I was then, I suppose.

I need something, though… a really good RPG (been looking for one since we finished FFX) or a really good book series or just a great movie. Some kind of fantastical adventurous escape to heal my raw soul… and maybe to coax my muse back from wherever she’s run off to.

Oh, crippee! I can’t believe I forgot to mention this… I saw a ghost today. First ghost I’ve seen in a long time, actually. It was in an odd place, too. At the office, in a little alcove with a few vending machines. I was standing there trying to decide whether it’d be M&M’s or Reese’s Pieces, and it came in behind me, walked around me and behind the vending machines (which kind of stick out from the wall rather than being flat against them) and vanished.

I used to work in a place that was haunted as hell. Several of my co-workers reported wierd events, and I’d often sense someone had come up behind me (nothing unusual in that… this wasn’t an office job and folks were wandering around all the time) then glance up to deliver some idle chat and realize no one was there. And I mean, I’d be absolutely POSITIVE someone was standing behind me. I’d feel their presence…no question about it. And then look up and… no one. A friend of mine opened a door and had a dog come charging out of it, only she turned around and no dog was there. That was weird.

Are these ghosts the spirits of people (or dogs) who’ve shrugged off their mortal coil? I have no idea. Maybe there’re just caused by some low frequency sound or weird lighting… or maybe they’re something more supernatural. I will say that none of the ghosts I’ve seen have ever frightened me, nor have I actually *seen* anything, so much as I’ve felt it. It’s a mystery that I choose to leave alone. We all need some mysteries in our lives.