The Empire Strikes Back; New Ending

I’d love to attribute this to the original author, but I have no idea where it came from:


A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is
backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A
quick move by Vader, chops off Luke’s hand! It goes
spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He
looks around, but realizes there’s nowhere to go but straight

Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to
your father.

Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!

Darth Vader: No, Luke… I am your father!

Luke: No. It can’t be. That’s not true. That’s impossible!

Darth Vader: Search your feelings Luke… you know them
to be true.

Luke: NOOoooo!

Darth Vader: Yes, it is true… and you know what else?
You know that brass droid of yours?

Luke: Threepio?

Darth Vader: Yes… Threepio… I built him… when I was 7
years old.

Luke: No! … Wait, huh?

Darth Vader: Seven years old. And what have you done?
Look at yourself. No hand. No job. And you couldn’t even
levitate your own ship out of the swamp…

Luke: But… I destroyed your precious Death Star!

Darth Vader: But that was when you were 20! When I was
10, I single-handedly destroyed an entire Trade
Federation Droid Control ship!

Luke: Well, it’s not my fault…

Darth Vader: Oh, here we go… “Poor me… my father never
gave me what I wanted for my birthday… boo hoo, my
daddy’s the Dark Lord of the Sith… Nobody loved me…
waahhh wahhh!”

Luke: Shut up!

Darth Vader: You’re a slacker! By the time I was your age,
I had already exterminated the Jedi knights!

Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar’s Canyon.

Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor… 10 years
old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open… the only human to
ever fly a Pod Racer… right here baby!

Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.

Darth Vader: I was wrong… You’re not my kid… I don’t
know whose you are, but you sure ain’t mine.

Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges
down the shaft. Darth Vader looks down after him.

Darth Vader: And get a haircut!