When last we left our intrepid adventurer Sparrow Dumpling Blade Lionheart (a hero’s title is ever-changing), he’d taken on a wife and she’d born him a daughter, Gemma. And he thought that life was complicated.

So innocent and naive, was he.

As it turns out, Deb the Villager is fairly low maintenance. A modest gift here, a good rogering there, a decent allowance for running the house, and she stays pretty happy. In fact things were going so well that a second wife seemed in order. Well, not really. Actually, our man found himself on the horns of a dilemma where he had to be either mean or immoral (if you consider bigamy immoral, as a fairly large percentage of us do). Unless I’m angry, I’m not good at being mean, and I wasn’t angry at this lass, so after much thought, I had our hero marry her, and set up a home in Bowerstone with her.

I expected his Purity rating to plunge, but it didn’t. In fact the only indication that something odd had happened was that I got a Bigamist Achievement! Deb seemed slightly more suspicious the next time her hubby came home, but that might have been my guilty conscience. Yeah, I really felt a bit guilty about the situation!

The thing is, now Lionheart has two places where he can bed down for the night, with a bit of extra warmth in each one. And he gets a nice Purity boon for sleeping there with his wife. After sticking to protected sex with wifey #2 for a while, I hit the wrong button once and now Lionheart has an infant son, Georg, to go with his daughter Gemma.

Between this bonus, and eating lots of fresh veggies (each of which give purity points) he now strides about the land, pure as the driven snow, with a halo floating over his head. I’m not sure what message Fable 2 is trying to convey here… that it’s OK to have several wives as long as you eat your veggies?

He’s pretty Good too, and attractive, and honestly it’s almost becoming a nuisance. He walks into town and half a dozen women surround him, badgering him for a ring or just offering to jump his bones. Y’know, now that I think about it, it’s just like real life!! 🙂 Seriously, it can be pretty annoying trying to push around these crowds all the time; I wish there was a “Let her down easy” emote our hero could use to tell a lady “You’re a wonderful woman but I’m already married” without making her afraid of or angry at him. The most subtle technique he has now is “Point and Laugh” which evokes reactions that just make me feel terrible!!!

Oh yes, and then there’s this whole adventure…. Lionheart was warned by his mentor and his fellow hero Hammer, that he should put his affairs in order before taking the next step in his quest for vengeance. So he’s been doing that…helping archeologists and breaking gargoyles and protecting the Temple of Light and protecting farmers from robbers and freeing slaves: he’s been a busy fellow indeed.

But I think its about time that he pushed forward on his quest.

My wife wants sex.

I know this to be true because it says so right there on her status sheet. “Wants sex.” The words mock me every time I check up on her, because since the night of our wedding, I’ve been unable to perform.

I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong. The mood is right: the woman couldn’t love me more. I’ve bought us a fancy new double bed so there’s plenty of comfy space to romp around in. I even bought a book on seduction that taught me a smooth “Come hither” move that is supposed to lure women into bed. I tried it on the wife and she giggled and happily followed me to the bedroom but then, again, everything fizzled and she started pointing out the window and saying “Let’s go over there.” ‘There’ being, in her case, the docks, which she loves. Maybe she’s into doing it in public??

In the meanwhile, every time I go into Bowerstone women are throwing themselves at me. It gets a tad annoying, to be frank. What kind of adventurer do they think I am!!? I’ll admit some of them are better dressed than my wife, and their plunging necklines can be somewhat enticing, but I’m a married man, for pity’s sake!!

In other news, I committed my first crime, albeit via misunderstanding. I went into a Tailor’s home, thinking it was his shop. At first they were very welcoming, but then this gaggle of flirty women walked in behind me. That put the tailor and his wife on edge, understandably. A little girl in the crowd asked for a lollipop. I didn’t have one, but I did have some chocolate, so I gave her some. The Tailor got very angry at that, since the girl was his daughter. What did he think I was trying to do? I got angry in return and growled my fiercest growl at him, which flustered everyone.

At that point I wanted to leave but the doorway was blocked, so I went upstairs hoping the crowd would disperse so I could get the heck out of there. That was the last straw for the tailor’s wife, and she called the sheriff. *sigh*

Well it turns out it was a pretty minor infraction, and I paid my dues via community service. This involved ridding a basement of a gaggle of Hobbes which has infested it. It was actually a good workout, and I even found a bit of treasure down there. I’m tempted to commit a few more crimes just so I can get more community service.

It helps me to work out the frustrations I have involving my wife’s needs.