The day Diablo 3 broke the Internet

I’m in a really lousy mood today, and it’s all because of Diablo 3. Though it isn’t Diablo 3’s fault.

Diablo 3, in case you didn’t know, is a video game. You’d be forgiven if you thought it was a cure for cancer or the key to world peace, because god damned if people aren’t giving it that kind of weight.

I bought it but I only played for 90 minutes or so. My ‘gut’ response was fairly tepid but I’m trying to reserve judgement until I get farther in. I’ll admit I’m one of those curmudgeons who would’ve been happy to pay $60 for Diablo 2 re-skinned with better graphics.

So how’d Diablo 3 break the Internet? Why am I bitching this time? Well, first of all let’s set hyperbole aside. I’m not talking about the entire Internet, I’m talking about the gaming-oriented parts of it. G+ and I assume Twitter, and personal blogs.

But I feel like EVERYONE is mad today. Some people are mad at Blizzard because of the DRM model and/or the fact that the servers are/were down. Some people are mad at the people who are mad at Blizzard. Some people are on very tall seats, pompously chiding the people who are mad at Blizzard. Others are on equally high seats, pompously chiding the people who are mad at the people who are mad at Blizzard. Of course there are people mad at the people on those very tall seats..mad at them for their condescending attitudes. People who bought Diablo 3 are angry, people who didn’t buy Diablo 3 are angry. People (and here’s where I come in) are angry that everyone is angry about a stupid video game!

The game-facing web today is a giant cluster-fuck of bad feelings and ill will, and it’s all because Diablo 3 launched.

It reminds me of a story…

I used to be a bartender in a local-kind of bar in a resort town. One day, Gerry Cooney walked into the bar with a friend. This is long enough ago (mid 1980s) that everyone knew who he was. Conversation almost immediately died down. Cooney sat at the end of the bar, quietly talking to his friend, and had a beer or two. Then they got up, left a nice tip and thanked me, and left the place.

And suddenly the clientele went nuts. Guys swearing that Cooney wasn’t so big and they could take him. Other guys calling bullshit on that, which led to whether or not guy A could even take guy B. Next thing I know I’m trying to manage 3 separate altercations at once. I started ejecting people from the premises left and right… everyone was mad and throwing punches willy-nilly.

Now Gerry Cooney didn’t do anything and carried no blame, but he was still the cause of everyone having a terrible night down at the local pub that night.

Diablo 3 is the Gerry Cooney of the club that consists of my gaming friends on social media and blogs.

I think I’m just going to put my head down and wait for this whole thing to blow over.