I’m just an incurable optimist, tend to forget the nasty bits of most things, and only very, very rarely hold grudges. Yuck, I’m sickening!

“I don’t think leaving a comment entitles the commenter to approval just by default of not being a spammer. ”

Y’know, you’re exactly right, and I don’t know why I never stopped to think about that. I do indeed hit “Approve” on any comment that isn’t spam, without really considering whether or not I feel like it belongs here. Now granted, the number of times I would’ve wanted to not approve a ‘legit’ comment could be counted on the fingers of one hand, but it sure would save me from a lot of stress. Thanks!

Ysharros, thank you so much for the glimpse of “the other side” . I can admit I can see the appeal of sitting around a dinner table knocking ideas around, but I think what’s different there to me is that 1) it usually isn’t 1 on 1, so you get a variety of ideas, rather than basically Black vs White, and 2) you pick up on non-verbal cues and, assuming you’re not a total arse, will back off before you really start irritating your friends. When their eyes start to glow red, you’re probably going to change the subject, and in general there’s a kind of ‘crowd moderation’ of the discussion, and 3) they are probably people you know and enjoy being around, and finally 4) there’s a time limit on the discussion, even if it boils down to last call coming around and you getting thrown out of the bar.

I guess I’ve not often been exposed to online debates where the participants are genuinely interested in hearing each other’s views. Most of the time, everyone is just pushing their agenda, and reading the other side just enough to pluck out points that they can dispute. People (and I include myself here) tend to dig their heels in almost immediately, and then won’t budge.

But I’m really glad your experiences have been different. It gives me hope for this whole internet fad. I’ll try harder to keep an open mind and to look at arguments dispassionately and try to see if the other participants are in the discussion to learn, or just to push an agenda.

Thanks very much for the comments!!

Consider evenings with friends where you bat something back and forth for a couple of hours over beers and dinner; you *can* have an argument (and yes, I know the definition too!) just for the sake of having fun. I’m sure one could argue that all human interactions have some deeper, Freudian or other agenda — fair enough. I just like to sit around and see the world from someone else’s point of view, or try to.

Finding out what other people think and feel about stuff is enormous fun for me (mostly). Good non-face debates (blogs, forums, even on the old email lists) can capture that sense of “Ooo, I hadn’t thought of that! By the way….”

Sure, not all debates are good, and many many people argue simply because they are right and you are not and ultimately they have to convince you of that. But not *all* people and arguments are like that. Or maybe I’m just really optimistic and gullible, both of which I now readily admit to since the damned shoe has my name stamped on the sole.

Oh ya – and finally, some debates can be fun just because we get to use big words and play around with language, and write. Moi, an intellectual snob? Surely not!

It’s your home, as you said. When it comes to comments in my home, I choose which to post and which to ignore, and most of the time I ignore. I deem the comment doesn’t add value or isn’t even interesting and I choose not to open up my life to debate.

Point being, instead of approving the dissenters comments for public display, thereby feeling the need to also defend your point of view in a comment as well, why not just ignore it? I don’t think leaving a comment entitles the commenter to approval just by default of not being a spammer. No one but you and the commenter ever know what happened, and if your sensibilities just won’t allow a flat out denial, engage in the discussion privately. But ultimately it is your choice whether or not to engage on your turf, and you shouldn’t feel bad about choosing the “no” option.

Hon, in all the years I’ve known you, this has been one of the brick walls that calls to your head… JUST SAY NO! Try it, you’ll like it! I promise we won’t think less of you.